Who Am I?


It’s Halloween.

I don’t like Halloween. I don’t like masks and have nightmares about people who take their face off and they’re someone else. I don’t like things dark and scary. I hide from trick-or-treators.

I know I’m in the minority, but I don’t care. My pumpkins go in pies and don’t have faces. So there.

While hiding from trick-or-treators 24 years ago, I met my wonderful husband, and that is the one thing I do like about Halloween. Now, I don’t have to hide from trick-or-treaters alone.

Anyway I did this journal page today because I got thinking about costumes. I don’t like costumes either.

It all started in my bathroom.

I always hang my clothes to dry because they are cotton and I don’t want them to shrink. You can tell when I do my laundry because there are clothes hanging all over the place – on doors and towel racks, on hooks and in crannies.

You know a lot about me when you see this laundry hanging. You know that I am NOT a fashionista. You know that EVERYTHING is either black or blue. You know Steve Jobs wasn’t THAT original with his fashion statement. You know I have multiples of the SAME black and blue things.

OMG, I’m boring.

Let me digest that for just a moment . . .

OK, so, it all started in my bathroom where I inadvertently hung one of my black shirts over one of my pairs of jeans because there happen to be two hooks on the back of that door.


I felt like I ran into myself as I was leaving that room. It was especially unsettling because I had just run into myself in a mirror in that room. Maybe there are more than one of me after all.

I looked at that door and thought “hmmm . . . that’s me, but I’m not in there.”

I hooked my reading glasses on the hanger and put my flip-flops on the floor below.

I brought Mark into the bathroom, and said “Look – it’s a self-portrait without me in it!”

He gave me one of “those” looks (you know the ones where one eyebrow goes up and the other one doesn’t?) and said, “You know, you really should start using the dryer.”

I don’t forget about these “Aha” moments so easily, however. I started thinking about how our “costumes” really do define us, and also how they don’t.

I won’t put you through all that, but think about it. If you hung your clothes on a bathroom door, would people know whose bathroom door it was? A bathroom door that isn’t in your house of course, because then it wouldn’t be much of a contest. Especially if you are the only female in your house, and your husband’s not a cross-dresser. But I digress.

I thought about having a clothesline, but with the wind and dust here, the clothes would just cycle between the washing machine and the clothesline, and there would be no time to wear them.

I needed an imaginary clothesline for all of this, so off to my art journal I went. Because it was imaginary, I got to add my bird to the self portrait and make the poles more interesting than ordinary poles (see above).

One of my friends, who will remain anonymous, is dressing up as Mother Nature tonight. (Let’s see . . . which of my friends is a nature lover? Hopefully, no more birds chase her around.) She doesn’t like costumes either, but she is being forced into this.

She’s off at a spiritual retreat.

“Why on earth would they make you wear costumes at a spiritual retreat?” I asked her.

“Because it’s Halloween maybe?” she asked.

Ahhhhhh. That.

How would I dress up like Nature if somebody made me? . . .


No, I have not been drinking any wine.

Maybe I should.

Yes. I’m going to.

Right now.

Just one more Halloween thing to say.


12 thoughts on “Who Am I?

  1. Janet Ebersole

    I like your style, Jessica. There are so many “artsy” people out there who live daily in a costume. I guess they think their creativity must be on display 24/7 so people will immediately know that they are an artist? Makes the world more interesting though. By the way, Happy
    Halloween and Happy Anniversary.

  2. Diana in Texas

    My husband and I also hide from trick-or-treaters each Halloween. We’ve never liked this particular day but for different reasons. Thanks for helping me enjoy the solitude of this evening – in the dark of a room with my computer. I love your story about your hanging clothing but not really you. Yes, we all wear our special identity clothing, usually the most comfortable things we own when at home anyway. Who can create when the waistband elastic is too tight? Ho-humm. Been dreading this day for the last 2 weeks and now it will be over tonight. Looking so forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas, however. Happy hiding and wine-drinking.

  3. Lynn

    I LOVE your ‘self-portrait on the bathroom door’. It –and reading your humorous blog — is the next best thing to seeing YOU. Happy-that-Halloween-is-almost- over to you, Mark and…Mother Nature!

  4. Mary Darling

    I miss seeing the kids all dressed up. We live on a 200 acres ranch with the house in the middle of the property behind a locked gate. Not many kids would walk down ¾ mile for a little candy. I did go to take pictures at the Elementary School for their Jump A Thon this morning. Actually, more of the teachers and Volunteers dressed up than the kids.

    Loved your Blog, Jessica. You always make me smile.

  5. Jeanne

    It’s so nice to read that I am not alone in really, really disliking this “holiday”! I have never understood why people go all out for the decorations and costumes. I’m always so glad when it’s over. I had a good laugh at the “you on the back of the door.” If I saw that, and wasn’t wearing my glasses, I’d think it was you for sure!

  6. Sherri

    Right on Jessica!! I’ve always felt something was wrong with me because I don’t like Halloween, scary things, and pumpkins. Nice to know I’m not alone!

  7. Shelley

    I love Halloween ~ it’s my birthday, and I love having birthdays (so much better than the alternative). I’m not much good at dress up, but I do love seeing little kids in their costumes, and I think a day once a year to be someone else if you want to is kind of a fun and liberating idea!

    Especially as a child, Halloween was the BEST day for a birthday. Lots of celebrating and parties and treats!

    That said, I enjoyed all your thoughts about the day too Jessica.

  8. Scrapmate

    Oh I’m with you on this – I hate Halloween. In the UK it’s not really a traditional nationwide festival but it has been taken over by the stores in an effort to sell more pumpkin shaped lollipops and ghost shaped cakes. I am so glad when the 1st of November comes around and I have almost a year to go before the hype starts up again.

  9. Karen Little

    A friend/relative got on my case for dressing as I do – a black t-shirt is a must with jeans, and black “stretchy” slacks with simple tops for “dress up.” Unfortunately, she didn’t realize that there was a physical reason behind my “black top & bottom” choices. Reasons? My breasts are so small that they do not fit conventional bra sizes and “black” is the only top cover-up color that allows modesty. And black bottoms don’t show all the lumps, plus bellybutton dent that even many size 12 and above women have. Fortunately, black is the only color that I know of that provides a great backdrop for everything else, like jewelry and scarves. It’s also a great color to wear under “big shirts” and jackets. I often wondered how Michael Kors, who only wears black, ever got into the fashion designing business. I follow what he does and not what he preaches (or sells).

  10. Timaree

    I prefer gathered skirts with t-shirts but can’t find nice skirts and don’t want to really sew anymore so I wear jeans and tees mostly. I let my daughter find clothes for me. It makes her happy to shop and buy clothes both of which I hate and then I wear them so it works for us both.

    A couple of years ago my granddaughter dressed up as Mother Nature. I’ve added a photo of her outfit which my daughter made including the tiara.

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